Stir Fry Shenanigans

Vicious here!

First off – do you have a Wok? No?

Don’t fuck with me. Go out and buy one, then come back – its a goddamn necessity, not just for stir fry’s, but all kinds of fun kitchen related activities. Since I’m a younger male adult, I went with a standard flat bottomed non stick version (very Westernized, but works much better on these shitty stoves). If you can handle it, go high carbon or go home.

The Pieces

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes tops

Feeds: 2-3 people

Still waiting on the new fancy cutting board

• 1/2 head of cabbage

• 1 bunch green onions

• 2 large carrots

• 1/2 red onion

• 1 bell pepper (color irrelephant)

• 4 jalapenos – I went with red and green

• 2 large stalks celery

• 1 head of broccoli

• 2 cups of brown rice

• 1/4 cup low sodium soy sauce

• 2 tbsp sesame oil

• 1 tbsp (less or more based on taste) Sambal Oelek

• 3 tbsp red wine vinegar

• 1 tsp paprika

• Salt

• Pepper

The Puzzle

1. Combine your liquid ingredients (sesame oil, red wine vinegar, soy sauce, sambal) with your paprika, salt, and pepper. Chill in the fridge to allow the flavors to combine

2. Julienne all of your vegetables. We’re looking for match stick style here – no more than 1/4 inch thickness, although the cabbage can be longer. And be sure to de-rib/seed your peppers

3. Heat 2 tbsp Olive Oil in your wok – just before it begins smoking, so it shimmers

4. Cook your rice as per usual. It won’t be cooking in the wok, so make sure its to desired doneness.

5. Throw your veggies into the super hot wok

I know what you’re thinking – beautiful hands. Before you ask, I’ve already turned down several watch modeling jobs to pursue an illustrious career in…food…blogging?

6. Stir constantly, without reducing the heat. We’re looking to impart ‘Wok Hei’, or the essence of the wok, to these tasty lil veggies, and this requires a bit of work.

BAM – Wok action shot

7. Throw a bit of your sauce on (not too much, or it’ll steam) and when the carrots are just barely translucent remove from the heat.

8. Serve over rice immediately and top with desired quantity of sauce.

See, that steam, that smell – THAT is Wok Hei. Hard to really achieve, but if you do, you’ll know immediately. Special stuff.

Oh! Special Bonus Recipe Round

Perfect Potato Wedges

Gonna keep this short/sweet.

Slice however many Russet’s you like into wedges, thusly, and dust with rosemary and olive oil.

I was going to bake them, but that ended horribly…pan fry for great success!

Pan fry them in enough Olive Oil to coat each wedge until golden brown and AWESOME.

Next…dust with that delicious Truffle Salt I convinced you to buy already.

Bask in your friends adoration at how quickly you whipped up the best potato wedge thats ever graced their lips.